The Happily Ever After?

Ottawa writer Catina Noble talks to AW’s Sharon Berg about her latest poetry chapbook.

SB: It strikes me that being asked to create a chapbook such as this, one could learn a lot about its subject, in this case your mother. What do you feel is the most substantial thing you learned through creating this tiny book?

CN: What I learned most from this book, is how much I treasured the little things. Those memories carry over each day. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel either my grandmother or my mother by my side. I see them everywhere from memories that are tucked away. Everyday items can tease the images to the surface. It can be something simple like a bottle of nail-polish at the store, a penny on the ground and many other things.

SB: You also write about your Grandmother in this book. Was she really as different from your mother as this chapbook suggests?

CN: Gram (as I fondly called my grandmother), was different from my mother. I often wondered how that could be since they were mother and daughter. They shared a love for jewellery, manicured hands and the love of reading. The love of reading was passed down to me. It was rumoured that my mother always wanted to be a writer. I asked her about it once and she said it was true but also said it was too late for her. Whenever I brought up the subject again, it was quietly shut down. Gram always had time for a cup of tea and to sit down and chat. My mother always had something more pressing she had to attend to. The only time she slowed down was when she became ill with kidney failure as well as the cancer. Gram loved to talk no matter what the subject was. My mother only talked if the occasion warranted it.

SB: The layout of the book offers the surprise of three sections, each drawing up the story of The Three Little Pigs and their houses made of straw, sticks, and bricks. Can you speak to why you felt compelled to name these sections in this way?

CN: It was actually my book designer was the one who was compelled to set it up that way. She saw something I missed. I am very pleased about how the book turned out.

SB: What was your intention in writing this book?

CN: My intention with this book was to be able to take the time to mourn the loss of my grandmother and my mother. My grandmother passed away several years ago but I was busy spending time with my mother, who was ill at the time, and trying to be strong for her. I felt as though I could not let down my guard. The healthiest and best way I know how to cope with challenging and life altering events in my life is through writing. I have kept a journal and have been writing for over thirty-years. Putting the words to paper helps to soothe my soul. Words are available at all hours, in the evening, and they are not here to judge me. Writing these poems helped release a lot of emotions I had been holding onto. I want to cherish the nuggets of memories that seem so little, but are so important. I do not ever want to forget them. Putting it to paper keeps both my grandmother and my mother alive in my mind and in my heart. This collection has allowed me to process the death of both my grandmother and my mother.

SB: What you intend for the readers to be left with after the final page?

CN: After reading the final page I want the readers to remember those they have lost with fondness. Maybe my memories will pull something to the surface for the reader that they originally thought was permanently gone. Perhaps those memories will release more memories and have a positive domino effect. Or maybe others will write down some of their own memories and find a way to preserve what they need.

SB: Was there a specific incident or experience or series of events that inspired this work? What was the development process for the inspiration to become this newest collection?

CN: After Gram passed away, I wrote one poem about the time spent with her. I knew in my heart one wasn’t enough and I planned on writing a few more to capture the memories before they slowly disappeared. One of my biggest fears is forgetting the good memories I have shared with loved ones. Those drops of warmth, laughter and kindness are what continue to sustain me on a daily basis. Without them, I feel vulnerable, guarded and a sadness that cannot be soothed. After the death of my grandmother, my intent was to write several poems to preserve her memory. I was now busy with my mother, watching her slowly leave her own body. Once my mother passed, I felt as though it was time to write about both. I wanted something physical to hold onto. It was a actually a writer friend of mine who suggested I write a small chapbook on how I felt and the memories I treasured. This is what I did.

SB: How long did the first draft take for you to write? What was the core of the developmental process between drafts? Were you working on the structure, or the story world, or aspects of style and language, or something else? In terms of sheer length what did the book look like after the first draft? Did the length change?

CN: The first draft, once I settled down into it, didn’t take long to write. I had probably three or four poems already written that I had been holding onto. I was waiting until I felt as though it was the right time. Once I was ready, it took only a couple of weeks for me to write the poems. I always write my first draft of poems by hand and it’s the same with the second draft. After that I type them up. That’s when I get excited because I know everything is coming together and it is just a matter of time before my words are truly alive.

SB: Are there poems/ideas that were originally intended but ultimately not included in the collection? How did you determine what to keep and what not to keep in the collection?

CN: All of the poems/ideas I had for this collection are included. Nothing was pulled out or left behind. Individual poems were completed and have their own spot. There were no partial or whole pieces left out. I kept writing until I had used up every drop of words I had inside of me at the time. It seems to be the perfect amount. It’s like a teacup. The book is filled to the brim but not overflowing, nice and warm to the touch for the heart and the mind.

SB: Did you have an intended audience for the book?

CN: This book can be specifically for anyone going through a challenging time, an illness, caring for a loved one, or dealing with a loss. Although the book is mainly about my own grieving process, the words can trickle down and become something reader’s may need in their own particular lives at any given point in time. A reader doesn’t necessarily have to be going through loss in order to appreciate this book.

SB: Are there any aspects of the book you would like to change /tinker with?

CN: I am thrilled with how my book turned out. I believe it is one of my best pieces of work to date. I love the memories, the collection itself and the title. For me, The Happily Ever After?  is like a gift from the past to hold onto for the future.

Catina Noble is an Ottawa writer. Her work has appeared in several publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, Y Travel Blog, Perceptive Travel, Bywords Magazine, Phafours Press, and many others. She currently has four chapbooks of poetry, a full-length poetry book and a total of eleven books out. Four of her books: Vacancy at the Food Court & Other Short Stories, I’m Glad I Didn’t Kill Myself , Everest Base Camp: Close Call , Finding Evie won the Reader’s Favourite seal of approval.