Ann Choi on The Writer’s Mind

Toronto writer, speaker and educator Ann Choi adds 7 short pieces to the blazing new series The Writer’s Mind

On Social media

For the longest time, I tried to separate my public school educator and author identities. Teachers are constantly being reminded about the unintended misuse of social media and electronic communication. Initially, I wasn’t keen on my students, their families, and my colleagues “following” me because it felt like we were crossing certain boundaries. I wasn’t even on social media until one of my publishers strongly encouraged me to develop my author platform. They even assigned a social media consultant who created my Twitter (X) banner and helped me ease into other social media platforms.

Today, I accept that having a social media presence is part of my writing job. I still don’t post anything controversial or too personal because I’m always mindful of the young person I could be teaching or interacting with at school.

On Loss and Grief

The settings we place our characters in greatly affect what they do and how they feel. So what about the writer who writes, say, in a hospital? The chemo clinic – where I am now – watching my mother battle her third round of breast cancer. This time, it’s bad – the cancer has spread into her lung. A nurse has wrapped her hands in ice packs to reduce the likelihood of her nails falling off as the chemo cocktails pump into her veins. My mom complains the ice is too cold and I whisper, “Please bear it, just for a little bit longer.” I used to say the same thing to my dad when he was lying on the same hospital cot. He lost his battle with stomach cancer in 2022. Supporting both parents through their cancer fights in back-to-back years has been exhausting. Has it impacted my writing? My productivity, yes. My desire to write, yes. I feel numb most of the time. Maybe that’s a good thing? I prefer it over the dark places where my mind can go missing. Mostly, all I want now is rest. To take a break from things. But I have manuscript revisions I need to get to an editor. At least the chaos of existence in my novel is of my own creation. I can work to restore order and tell a story. Looking at it that way, writing (if I allow it to be) can be a healthy escape.

On Procrastination

I often go out of my way to avoid writing. My inaction at times damages any effort to move forward until I find myself facing deadlines full on and having to produce something. I avoid writing and end up taking on many other tasks related to writing, that are not actually writing. I teach part-time as a creative writing instructor at a university. I volunteer on committees and mentor (too many) aspiring writers. I almost always say yes to invitations, from sitting on literary juries to speaking at events. I also work full-time as a high school educator –something that had nothing to do with my writing identity until schools started using my novel Kay’s Lucky Coin Variety as part of their English curriculum. I never meant for it to be read by teenagers and cringe just a little each time I think about it, but it’s easier to speak to that and to just about anything else about writing than to actually write.

On Burnout

Maybe I’m burnt out. I’ve been working on the same novel manuscript for over 10 years now. I signed with a publisher five years ago. We’re still working through revisions. Part of the challenge is that this is the fourth editor I’m working with. The first retired, the second got promoted, and the third left the company. This happens, I know. I can’t overstate how it’s impacting my writing process. Fortunately, I really like my newest editor. Okay – something in me opened as I poured all of this onto the screen. Like I’m exhaling for the first time in a while. A doctor once told me that feeling burnt out isn’t a medical diagnosis, but a therapist convinced me that when we experience a real or perceived threat, the brain’s alarm gets triggered and the body goes to war. Maybe what I need more than to write is to rest. Period.

On Loss and Passion

Every mental health expert, from the therapist I met at 17 years old when I told my guidance counsellor I wanted to die, to the psychiatrist who wrote me prescription after prescription, told me to write. Journaling would allow me to track my moods and gain better control over them. They were right. But. It took me decades to stop associating writing with pain. 

I want to say something noble like my passion for writing is to inspire empathy and bridge cultural and societal gaps, or to tell a great story. But I don’t know if I have a passion for writing per se given my past. That said, I have a great passion for words. I love the connotations they hold. Even a single word can possess great power because it can evoke imagery, mood, and feeling. I love how words sound: silhouette, luminous, and euphoria. 

I also enjoy hearing other people’s life experiences and stories. I’m often moved or angered by their nuanced worldviews. These exchanges inform my understanding of societal issues and challenges, which in turn inspire me to use my love of words to pen something.

On aging and career concerns

It took me 21 years to land a publishing contract. I was 46 years old, and 48 when my first novel was finally released.  I’ll be 56 years old in a couple of months. I get that people are being nice when they say, “You don’t look your age!” which is often followed by, “I guess that’s one of the perks of being Asian.” These seemingly innocuous “compliments” can be stripped down to forms of microaggressions. Subtle and maybe even unintentional, they nevertheless perpetuate stereotypes about age, women, and racialized groups. Writing allows me to reflect on all this.

Often my stories will challenge cultural and societal expectations and stereotypes. And I do that from the vantage point of a racialized person. In that regard, I feel my age benefits me because I’ve learned and gone through decades of experiences that broadened my perspective. Our stories can be timeless if they speak to certain truths, ask interesting questions, and remain helpful in moving society forward somehow.

On Work-Life Balance

The worst advice I ever got as a writer was to write every day. It made writing a burden and a chore. And really, what job demands you work seven days a week? As a teacher, I work five days and get two days off to recharge. What’s helped me is to create a consistent writing schedule and to have a routine. I also stopped setting word count goals because it caused more anxiety than motivation. Instead, I focus on things like scenes. For example: Today I’ll write the scene when my main character rejects a marriage proposal. Or, I’ll work on revising so and so. These writing goals have clear beginnings and endings, something I appreciate.

A therapist told me, “Your big problem is that you think you can do everything.” That sparked in my mind’s eye vivid images of my implosion. One goal I’m working on is to prioritize my own needs. This is much like the example of putting on your own oxygen mask first so that you’re in a position to help others. I now acknowledge that self-care isn’t a selfish act. It’s a priority that I’m committed to working on.

About the Author

Ann currently sits on the program advisory committee for gritLIT, Hamilton’s literary festival, and teaches creative writing at the University of Toronto’s School of Continuing Studies. She is also an educator with the York Region District School Board. 

Ann’s Newest Book